Trying to pass your feelings & emotions to others....with music.

Everyone has different tastes in music. They have different songs that are special to them, songs that bring up specific emotions, songs that apply to their situation, or songs they listen to to compliment the way they're feeling.

Some people have a huge playlist with all the songs they've enjoyed through life. Some people have a small, rotating playlist of songs they like at the time and a few people, like me, listen to the same song over and over...and over and over again until they're sick of it or find another song to replace it.

I've been wondering how to...share the music that I'm addicted to at the time with others. I had a moment where I would post the song I'd been listening to to twitter but I didn't really like that. I thought it'd be kinda twitter spamish (not that I don't already spam twitter with irrelevant content). I also tried putting a

Currently Listening:

here --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->
I took that off as well. Didn't like it. It's not aggressive enough promotion/marketing. Karol put up a blog post for a song she'd been listening to www.onlyakiss.net - the world has it's shine. At the end, she wrote "Really I just wanted to have others listen to the song, lol." Pretty much the same thing I want to do but I don't think I want to make a post either or there's gonna be an even more overwhelming number of posts. The fact that you can embed the video does appeal to me tho....

I don't know...when you have a song you really like, you just wanna share it with everyone in hopes that someone else might feel what you feel when you listen to it. If you're successful, you feel that you've opened their eyes to something new and awesome. Like telling someone "This show is awesome, you gotta watch it!". And after you both watch/listen to said item, you can discuss and...share your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes people feel the same way, sometimes they don't. I know I've sent that Full Metal Panic! Fumoffu? Intro to so many people (I might as well give it a plug while I'm here...)

When I listen to/watch it, it gives me hope that today is going to be a good day (maybe because the video starts off showing them waking up and getting ready for the day). It gives me hope that everything will work out okay. It makes me feel good and by trying to pass it along, I hope that others get the same thing out of it as well. Again, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

The point of this post was basically just me thinking aloud about how I wanted to share the music I'm listening to in hopes that others would give it a shot.

I have Blogger, Twitter, MSN Name/Status, Facebook Status at my disposal...but...I still don't know the answer...Suggestions?

Yikes, as I re-read this post I realize how...obvious...the content is. There's nothing of any higher insight at all...but I don't want to erase it...and if you've read this much, it's too late! Sucker!

Seriously tho, suggestions?

I'm going crazy. Seriously.

When I'm in a high emotional state, my mind starts racing and I sometimes develop a moment of Apophenia.

Apophenia
Apophenia is the experience of seeing patterns or connections in random or meaningless data.

I don't know quite how to explain it...maybe you saw Russel Crowe in A Beautiful Mind or The Question from the Justice League. You see....connections between things that don't have any connections. I feel like I'm in a state of heightened awareness or...I don't know how to explain it. Like when you play pool and see all the angles to the balls that you wouldn't regularly see.

I was reading all these connections today...very subtle and unimportant but for me, they were undeniable connections between things. Now, a few hours later, I'm sure these connections never existed. I can see..what I was thinking, but I don't know how I came to believe them, they're so...impossible.

Lately, I've also been experiencing Pareidolia

Pareidolia
Pareidolia is a type of apophenia involving the finding of images or sounds in random stimuli

Zena's seen this in action when I believe my iPhone is vibrating when it's not. I'm not sure what it is but I constantly hear the sound of my iPhone vibrating as well as my Xylophone alarm right after I wake up when it's not actually on. I would end up checking my phone repeatedly to turn off the alarm but the alarm wouldn't be on. It might be conditioning, that I associate that sound to the morning or something...but I don't see how that would fool my sense of hearing.

Also, lately at work when I'm listening to music, I "hear" my name being called randomly. I turn around and no one's said anything. It's usually Ron who's voice I "hear". I only noticed it these last 2 weeks, but I remember when Karol first started, a couple months ago, I kept "hearing" my name when she hadn't said anything. Zena's noticed this too, I keep thinking she's said something when she hasn't. All of the above are either girls or are soft-spoken. I had a lot of trouble hearing Ron when I first met him...Karol as well (and still). Maybe their voices are kinda like...phantom voices that I hear mixed within other sounds...

Wow....you know, at first this was a 1/2 serious post. I had already written my closing joke for the post: "Seriously, I think it's safe to say that I'm simply going crazy. It's okay, long ago did I accept the onset of senility." But writing more into it and coming up with recent specific examples is actually scaring me a bit. GG Warren, you've scared yourself into stress and anxiety, right before you were about to sleep.

Seriously, I'm going to have to monitor this. This could potentially be...a very very bad thing.

Mario Kart (SNES) was THE game for me.

When I was in high school, my friend has gave me Initial D: First Stage (Anime) to watch. I was skeptical...an anime about cars? I had never been a car person...I took his word for it and gave it a try. Over a decade later, it would still be one of my favorite animes of all time.

Imagine my surprise when I found Initial D: Arcade Stage (Racing arcade game) at UWaterloo Campus Cove. After spending over $1000 in first and second year university playing Initial D, I became pretty damn good. On the online rankings, I would rank top 10 in Canada on over 1/2 of the (8) tracks (4 uphill, 4 downhill). Again, that doesn't count all the people that don't input their track times into the site so it's a bit misleading. Still I would say that I was within the top 25 in Canada for sure. It was very...satisfying to be that good at something. Looking back at it now, I realize that my skill probably came from my years of Mario Kart (SNES).

I'm in a Facebook group called "I learned how to drive by playing Mario Kart". While I didn't learn to drive a real car from Mario Kart, I definitely learned the fundamentals of an ideal line, inertia, action and reaction, and drifting. Of all the games I've ever played in my life be it World of Warcraft, Initial D, any Street Fighter or Puzzle game, Contra, Mario Bros., I don't think I've ever been more skilled at a game than Mario Kart. Mario Kart was my IT game. It was THE game for me.

My skills aren't what they used to be anymore, I can't do the lines or track times that I used to...but my SNES records from my prime speak for themselves. Recently, I tried to search the internet for best course times. People would post their fastest times and I compared them with mine and LUL, my times were still better!

I don't think I ever played anyone who loved the game as much as me. I would have loved to competitively race another highly skilled driver. Maybe that's why I loved Initial D so much. I'm like Takumi challenging other racers. But more likely, I'm one of the arrogant opponents who lose on their home course to Takumi :D I'm good...but I'm no Takumi :(

The urge to write.

Argh! I was having such a bad day today. Things just didn't go well. To be fair, I slept at 2:30 am last night and woke up at 8...I also skipped lunch. I think that probably played a big part in my sh!tty afternoon. I felt really...uneasy. Stressed with nothing to be stressed about. It's hard to explain.

Anyways, the thing I wanted to do most while I felt this way...was blog. I had this incredible urge to just write about anything. My mind was racing and unfocused and I just wanted to release whatever was in there. I sat in-front of this same webpage that I'm looking at now. It was just me, an old draft, what I'd written before and what I intend to write. Everything else began to fade away.

I never really...had this outlet before. I didn't even realize how much writing seemed to relax me. I'm trying to think about what I would have done if not for this blog...I would probably have just stewed with my music and my thoughts. Maybe taken a walk to clear my head, I don't know. Even now, as I write, I feel so focused...everything in the world doesn't seem to exist. It's very relaxing.

I'm listening to a song right now, the same song I've been listening to for over a week, both at work and at home, replaying over and over....the lyrics just caught my attention as they seem to apply right now:

"Where do you go when you're lonely? Where do you go when you're blue?"

Maybe my answer is here. Maybe this is where I go.

tinyURL and bit.ly

ZOMG. I was going to save this post for tomorrow but something came up that made me really want to write this post today. So many posts today! I have no self control >_<

So, I had been using tinyURL for years, since at least 2006 apparently since I have tinyURL links on this page: http://www.horderockcafe.com/version_1/bwl.aspx?content=Links

I'd been using it until I started Twitter last month and noticed that everyone was using bit.ly. I thought "meh", I'll just use what I'm using now. Of course, my new resolve of "trying new things out" and "embracing change" made me look into bit.ly.
Note: New me is using/doing: Twitter, Blogging, had a Corona with dinner today, Jailbreaking iPhone, TwitPic, bit.ly + other things I'm sure I just can't remember atm).

Wow, I'm shocked at the data they keep for each bit.ly! I always didn't like that if you put the same link into tinyURL, you get 2 different tinyURLs. Obviously, they don't do a database check of the URL and just assign a new one. What a waste of space! bit.ly doesn't have this issue, the URL is checked in the database of URLs and if the URL has already been bit.ly'd, bit.ly just gives you the original bit.ly URL. When I looked at some of my recent bit.ly's

www.bit.ly/aBjCyq - Windows 7 Activation Post - bit.ly'd 1924 times
www.bit.ly/Hmuy1 - Heroes of Neworth Beta Account - bit.ly'd 917 times

The top one has been bit.ly'd almost 2000 times. That's 2000 saved URLs and rows in a database.
Note: tinyURL does the above now, I just checked. 4 years ago, they did not as I remember testing it out before and getting disappointing results

I was looking at the tinyURL combinations and thinking that they would/should probably remove the curse words so things like:
tinyurl.com/fuck
tinyurl.com/shit
don't work...much like they have to eliminate these types of words & acronyms on license plates.

Well, I actually gave tinyurl.com/fuck a shot and it redirects me to some random page, http://www.gfgfgf.com/

tinyurl.com/shit (and this is what made me LOL and HAVE to post this today), redirected me to http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00006GSNX
It's an Amazon page for Ratchet and Clank for the PS2. I LOL'd.

And then I wrote this post. and now I'm ridonculously tired. I will proofread this tomorrow....

Narutimate Hero 1 + Friends

Note: Narutimate Hero is a VS type game, like Street Fighter/Mortal Kombat. You pick your char and fight all the other characters to beat the game.

I was talking about Naruto today and it got me thinking about this one weekend where Mark, Vince, Zena and I stayed up all night playing Narutimate Hero 1 (PS2). My parents were out of town and Mark came to Toronto to chill for the weekend. We called up Vince and just hung out at my place. I don't remember when we started playing. There are only 13 or so characters to unlock and you have to beat the game 9+ times or so to get them all. As we unlocked 1 or 2 characters, we kept wanting to play more and get more characters unlocked. So that's what we did....we played all night, the 4 of us, switching turns and playing through all the characters...defeating enemies over and over. Soon it became midnight...then 2...then 5...and 8...and then 10am. All 4 of us stayed up playing the same game for over 10 hours...after which we ended the night (or morning) just before noon with our trademark McDonald's runs, just like how we used to do it in Waterloo. I popped in Narutimate Hero 3 (PS2) and Narutimate Hero Accel 2 (PS2) just now...sadly, the visuals don't carry over to an HDTV very well, everything was very...non anti-alias (jagged).

Anyways, these Narutimate Hero games always make me remember this night and the fun I had. I know the night doesn't sound too special...but those were good times, good friends, good memories.

Motivated Photos Special!

This one is special cuz I made it myself! It took me 2 episode tries to find the screenshot...(it's from episode 2 by the way). I need a better sig than this ICQN thing... :S

**EDIT** 11:37PM: HQ version made, here:
http://www.horderockcafe.com/blogger/motivated_photos_naruto_konohamaru_HQ.jpg

Welcome to Earth Prime.

POSSIBLE JUSTICE LEAGUE: CRISIS ON TWO EARTHS SPOILER. Not really part of the plot, more the philosophy behind the premise? Highlight to read.

"With the coming of man came the illusion of free will and with that illusion came chaos. With every choice we make we literally create a world. History branches in 2 creating 1 Earth where we made the choice and a second one where we didn't. That's the secret to the universe you know. Billions of people making billions of choices creating infinite Earths." - Owlman, Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths

When I listened to this, all I could think about was the conference tool we're building.

Will you attend this event? - Yes? No?
Would you like to stay in a Hotel? - Yes? No?
Do you require a smoking room? - Yes? No?

ABSOLUTE CHAOS. AND WE HAVE TO BUILD IT. WE ARE THE ARCHITECTS OF CHAOS. WE ARE GODS. in our own little way.

Sorry, you're probably disappointed in this post :S
*I* found it interesting but I guess you had to be here, in my head :/

Blogging about blogging.

I started blogging a month ago today (okay, I'm 2 days early, I was too impatient to wait). A month of blogging. It might seem like longer (at least to me) because I've got such an abnormally high volume of posts. I started out very strong, doing as much as 3-4 posts per day. I quickly began to love writing. Now, a month later and I've been pretty much posting a blog a day. I have been slowing down which is probably a good thing. I still write a lot everyday, many of my posts unfinished and going into the Drafts folder to be continued later. I do slightly worry about not being able to come up with posts interesting enough that my readers will continue to return. I have really sh!tty, poorly thought out, random posts sometimes (see last few days). I like those because that's how I feel when I write them but that stuff won't be enough to sustain a long time reader. My readers will get bored. Which brings me to my next point.

Originally, I said that I was doing this blogging thing for me but I'd like to think that I'm doing this for my readers as well. That you might look at something differently or understand me better. As a relatively shy and quiet person (at least compared to my friends), I find that I tend to observe social situations and interactions rather than be involved in them. As such, I assume that I probably know my friends slightly better than they know me. I feel that with this, my friends can learn about me if they choose to. That we might have something in common that wouldn't come up in a regular conversation and that the next time we meet, it will be more comfortable and more of an interaction rather than an awkward silence.

Of the few blogs I follow, I've discovered many things about said blogger that I would never have discovered through other means. I feel closer to them even if they don't feel the same. I believe that this one-sided familiarity leads to comfort and with that, a deeper friendship. I know some of my readers have learned more about me in this last month than they have in the few years they've known me. Even if I don't know about them in return, I'm sure that the next time we meet, things will be a little less awkward and a little more friendly :) Well, that's what I hope at least!

While I've stated that writing has never been a goal of mine, I am slowly looking up grammar issues, things that have confounded me for years that I just never learned because I was too lazy or didn't care. It's slow but I do feel better about myself and my writing the more I learn. I still don't know how my content flows from the reader perspective. When I read other blogs, I feel dwarfed in comparison in their structure and flow. I'm impressed at how they write, the creative and knowledgeable use of the English language, and feel that I don't measure up to any of it/them. I want to get better and become an equal to them but have little motivation for it. I would feel so much more productive if I were getting better at say, asp.NET than writing. Still, it's insanely frustrating using the same words to describe things or not being able to find the words to accurately convey my thoughts. I've run into this problem so many times already.

Anyways, I think I'll get back to this hockey game that's been muted for 2 periods while I wrote. GO CANADA! █ ♥ █

Crap, I didn't do anything tonight. Again.

Crap, I didn't do anything tonight.

Many discoveries on my journey home

Note: I walked home in today's somewhat heavy snow.

1. Lots of snow makes my hair sad and cry. When I got home, my hair was considerably flat and down...it looked depressed. As the snow melted, my hair started to drip (or cry) on my shoulder. Don't worry, I comforted it.

2. Only a very small number of people use umbrellas on a day like today. I don't understand why people wouldn't, it's basically raining (and yes, I didn't bring my umbrella, I oddly didn't check the weather today, something I do everyday before leaving my home).

3. People still walk on the outside (or is it inside?) of the sidewalk, near the road despite the giant puddles. Many of them very close to being Perfect Crime'd.

Perfect Crime'd - as defined by Warren and Z: When a car drives through a puddle of water, splashing nearby pedestrians with dirty street water. By the time the crime has been committed and the victim has realized their misfortune, the driver/perpetrator should be a decent distance away. The victim never knows who the perpetrator is nor can the victim catch the perpetrator. The perpetrator is faster and has a car for protection.
e.g.
Z: "Oooo, look at that puddle! Those people are standing right beside it!"
W increases the speed of his car and gradually turns towards the puddle. W drives through the puddle.
W: "LUL! Those guys got perfect crime'd!"
Then W went straight to hell.

4. Walking with the snow is considerably different from walking against it. I swear for the 1 minute I walked against the snow, ice scratched up my eyes and hail flew into my ear and perforated my eardrum.

5. I did not, even for a moment, lose my balance or come close to slipping. I did see others that did though. I attribute this either to my grace, my sneakers, or my ninja like reflexes. If only we could use our mind to fly...then this wouldn't be an issue. Evolution people, jeez...maybe you should try it once in a while.

This post is border-lining absurdity...I think I'll stop.

Motivated Photos + Naruto

After about 30 minutes of doingitwrong.com, I went to
http://www.motivatedphotos.com/home.aspx?search=naruto
I found some of these cute/hilarious.











.
.
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I think I liked that Sasuke one because of this (from http://lolcats.com)

It's and Its

Soooooo.........I've been writing emails, blogs, twitter...under the following (incorrect) assumption.

I thought "It's" was written to convey possession. e.g. "It's monkey butler disobeyed even the simplest of commands and threw feces everywhere."

But "It's" does not convey possession....I've been oh so wrong.

Its is a possessive pronoun meaning, more or less, of it or belonging to it.

I think I'm going to go back and fix all these errors.

Self-learning = Win.
Years of incorrect grammar remedied in 2 minutes = Fail.

EDIT - In the post below, there were 6 instances of incorrect use -_-; sigh.

The internet is bad.

A couple years back, my director asked our department if the internet was a good or bad thing. Being part of the eBusiness team, the majority of people said it was good, and why. While I didn't disagree with them, I played devil's advocate and said "bad" with a specific reason. A here it is.

The internet is....monstrous in size. There's so much information. An unfathomable bottomless pit that continues to grow. All this information is stored in mere zeros and ones (0 & 1 - that's binary folks). The way this information is stored, the way it's backed up, and the fact that these simple 0s and 1s can transfer to very far locations in an instant effectively means this content is easily preserved. It's too early to say it will last forever, but I wouldn't doubt that were possible. Media storage continues to grow at a rate that is quicker than information continues to be added to the internet. What I'm trying to get at is this internet is still growing. The information is still growing. And we've got an infinite amount of space to store it.

The next issue is: how much of the content is useless? How much of it is repeated facts, human stupidity, irrelevant content, guides to the same thing, guides to outdated things, etc. The internet is growing but how much of it is useful? Why do we use Google search but often find it impossible to get what we're looking for. I'm going to assume we correctly use keywords and I trust Google's search algorithm and its capabilities but why is it that if I look up pV=nRT (Ideal Gas Law), while I do get some valid websites, I also get mr. random grade 11 science student feeding false information in a forum to mr. random grade 10 science student.

The internet is infinite. Human stupidity is endless. Real facts and useful information actually limited in comparison.

I believe the rate of useless information is growing at a far more significant rate than useful information. The internet has only been heavily used for a few years. Give it 20 years, give it 50. Remember to take into account that the information on the internet never dies. 0s and 1s don't degrade like paper. This infinite beast of the internet grows and grows.

My concern is that valuable, useful, relevant information becomes lost. The internet, its primary purpose of storing and accessing information, will lose its value. Its strength in user generated content is also its weakness and downfall because of endless human stupidity.

I'm not sure what would replace the internet. I'm not sure how long it will last. I'm not sure if the information on the internet can possibly be reorganized. I'm sure people won't go back and delete useless content. I'm sure people will still post "First!" in forums despite the obvious lack of value in its post.

I'm completely aware that this was just a devil's advocate post. I love the internet and almost everything about it. I just think that it's fundamentally flawed. Do I have a better idea? no. Can human stupidity ever stop interfering with the greatness of our people? no. Do I realize the irony that human stupidity is all relative that someone out there is thinking the same thing about a post like this? yes.

The internet is huge. And I'm just one of the stupid people filling it with useless, irrelevant content.

What to do this morning...another irrelevant post.

I've moved all my images to my current domain, a fairly unused webspace, horderockcafe.com

I think I prefer the images here rather than on blogger because they re-optimize/re-size images. Somewhat useful. Somewhat annoying.

Ugh, looking at http://www.horderockcafe.com/version_1/ really makes me feel the need to do a new site. I did the above in 2 days (design and dev) during exam time in 2006 because I was applying for a web job and only had 2 days notice before I had to show them something. In 2006, my 2003 site (azn_prometheus) was simply too old and sh!tty to send.

It's funny how at work, I can code an HTML mockup in like, 1/2 a day easy. I pride myself on my HTML page creation speed, browser compatibility, easy to read source, etc. I work fast, I'm accurate, I'm frakkin' good. However, it takes me forever to do/code my own site...I guess there are distractions at home and no deadline so it's easier to procrastinate. Also, despite having a general idea of the site I want, having to design it, while really fun, kills the developer in me. My design side and development side are always fighting.

Anyways, I think I'll write one more blog this morning. Something that's been on my mind recently. I find that I'm always either writing right when I wake up, or during my prime awake times (right before I sleep).

My mind is empty + The best purchase ever.

I've hit a writing and thought dry spell. I haven't had any urge to write in a few days. My girlfriend has been around for a few days too, I'm not sure if that's proof of what I discussed here or coincidence. Regardless, I don't want to slow down in my blogging otherwise 3 days turns into 1 week, 1 week to 1 month and next thing you know, I don't blog anymore.

I'm going to dig up one of my old drafts and write about it - that's what they're here for. Bare with me, there's a lack of passion to the following post and writing without passion feels really...bleh. I don't like it.

The best purchase ever.

I think one of the smartest things I've ever done was spend an extra few hundred dollars on my mattress/bed. My girlfriend and I tested out (by lying down on them - get your mind out of the gutter) mattresses from Sears, Sleep Country, The Bay, everywhere that we could do some tests. The mattress we purchased from Sleep Country was a bit more expensive than we wanted. About a 1/4 of the price more. But I have to say, the investment was definitely worth it.

We (everyone) spends so much time sleeping. Ideally at least a third of our lives. The other two thirds rely heavily on this one third. My sleeping habits have become better lately without WoW and with my new change in lifestyle. No more sleeping between 2:30am to 8:30am on weekdays and 13 hours on weekends (totally 56 hours/week ~ 8 hours/day). While the numbers add up correctly, the sleeping pattern is...I wouldn't say unhealthy, but could be better. No more being highly irritable during the weekday, bless my co-workers for forgiving me on my less polite days. No more coffee needed to function properly. I'm trying to maintain my standard 8 hours/day, everyday. It kinds sucks because even on weekends, I wake up before noon, something I haven't been accustomed to since elementary school (yeah, my sleeping patterns have ALWAYS been frakked up).

Sorry, I got a little side tracked. Getting back to this bed thing, I suggest that when you buy your next bed, don't rush it. Choose carefully and be willing to pay considerably more for a better mattress. You deserve it and trust me, it will return the favor ten-fold. I love my bed. Sleeping on an air mattress and occasionally the couch makes me appreciate it even more. I would jump in-front of a bullet to save my bed. I would rescue my bed from a burning building before I would rescue my girlfriend. I would rather be alone with my bed than be with my girlfriend and my bed. Hey, three's a crowd.

I know what you're thinking:
Best. Boyfriend. Ever.

Ironically, this post will probably prevent me from being with my bed for a couple days and I'll be forced to spend some much needed quality time with my good friend, the couch, of which I usually only game with.

A recurring nightmare.

My eyes suddenly open. I glance around and slowly recognize where I am. The stress I've just experienced slowly begins to disappear as my mind begins to throw logic at me, convincing myself that what just happened in my head did not actually happen. My hair and clothes are slightly damp. I've just had a nightmare. The same nightmare I have had at least 3 or 4 times a year. Every year.

This is what I felt a few moments ago. I know I said I wouldn't talk about dreams but I'm going to make an exception because this is a recurring one. The dream and issue is personal so I'm going to use a basketball (I know, wtf eh?) analogy in its stead. The dream plays out like this:

I'm on the court playin' the game. I've got home-court advantage. The score is 68-70 for our opponents. There's only 4 seconds left in the game. I've got the ball between my hands and I'm just behind the 3-point line. I'm wide open. But I'm nervous. I've made this shot more times than I can count. But the pressure, the stress, it begins to overwhelm me. I know what I have to do. I take the shot. The ball floats up in the air. Everything slows down. I can feel the crowd hush and stand up, praying the shot is good. It looks good. From my point of view, the angle is perfect. The ball seems to stay afloat forever but it slowly begins to descend from it's perfect arc. As it approaches the rim, it looks like it's going to swish. *Boing* The ball bounces off the rim and flies away. Everything picks up speed again. The crowd goes silent. My head and heart drop as I fall to the floor, defeated. I've let everyone down. I've let myself down. I've failed. I wake up.

I open my eyes. My heart still racing, the stress still overwhelming me. My mind starts throwing reasoning and memories at me. "I did make the shot" it tells me. My memories clouded because of what I have just experienced and felt. As I calm down, I realize that I DID MAKE THE SHOT. I won the game. I didn't let everyone down. I didn't fail.

SO WHY THE FRAK DO I HAVE A REPEATED NIGHTMARE THAT I DID?

It's been so many years now since this incident occurred. Everything turned out great. It was a very stressful situation at the time but it turned out okay. Why am I constantly plagued with a feeling that it didn't?

"People always leave."

- Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill

People are shaped by everything around them. They become who they are because of the experiences they've had and the people they meet. But of the people they meet, only a very tiny few will be with them for most of their life. Family, a significant other, a few close friends. What about the other 99.9% of people? Well, they all carry on with their own lives. They walk a different road than you. You cross paths. Or you don't.

What I'm really trying to get at is that there are some people who make a significant difference in your life for a time. Some people you're incredibly close with or feel a connection with. But even these people come and go. You only walk the same path for a while.

I've been thinking about some of the treasured friends in my life and how they are not in my life anymore. Not because of a falling out, not because they've passed on, but simply because you no longer walk the same path as them. Despite even trying to keep in touch, your paths get further and further. It gets harder and harder. Even if you do manage to connect for a brief moment, the lives you had together are long gone. The bond you had, never to be recaptured again. Things change.

I've been thinking about the people in my life right now who, sad to say, won't be in my life forever. Not even very long really, despite being such a significant part of my life right now. I can use my time with them the best I can. But it won't be enough. I wish that I could walk with them longer on the path they take. I wish they could walk with me. But that won't happen. Things will change. Our paths will diverge. This is life. People always leave.

I am so Visual Studio 2000 and late.

I was trying to make an update to a site at work today. It's currently built on the asp.NET 2.0 framework and created mostly with Visual Studio 2008's Design view. While spending more time than I should have on such a simple update, I realized that my skill level is simply too low. So low that I can't figure out the basics of how this site works. I dunno WTF I'm doing. And let's face it, web is EZ MODE.

I'm so frustrated. I like figuring things out. I'm a good debugger. But I'm so lost here...I haven't had this feeling in a while. I used to have it studying for exams at UWaterloo...not being able to figure stuff out. It's not something I've felt for a while...and not a feeling I want to reoccur. Argh! So frustrated. Frustrated with myself. I can't keep blaming WoW for everything but goddammit, what was I thinking for all those years. Life just passed me by.

This weekend is Visual Studio and asp.NET weekend. I've read enough manga and fan fiction (sorry Karol, still not caught up on Sky's). I've watched enough movies. I really need to refocus on my web development skill.

This feeling...will not come up again.

Well, it will, but not for the same thing. This I vow! MY PRIDE - YOU WILL BE AVENGED! FOR FREEDOM! FOR JUSTICE! FOR ODIN! FOR ASGARD! FOR THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!

my posts always end in idiocy.

Monster - complete!

My decrease in posts the last few days has been directly related to my reading of this manga, Monster

A total of 162 chapters, the first volume (Ch1-8) set an awesome premise, full of moral dilemmas and some very real, interesting characters. I thought the story after that was good. Not great. It kept my attention, but just good. But after hitting chapter 70, I began to blow through the rest of the manga, totally addicted to the story and immersed in the world. I could not stop reading, every event seemed to lead into a more intriguing event. A giant puzzle with every chapter slowing revealing small pieces until you see the complete picture.

I doubt I would say I loved this series if the end did not carry out exactly as it did. I was very slightly disappointed with it until I re-read it and realized the true beauty of it. It was perfect. Everything was perfectly done.

I would love to re-read and analyze everything if this didn't take me so long to read in the first place. Maybe someday. It definitely satisfied my need for some good thought provoking material. Sadly, I think that because I rushed through a lot of it, I didn't give it the thought it probably deserved. I think I'll pace myself next time...(yeah right...)

Anyways, very happy. I suggest the read if you liked Death Note (Anime)...or Se7en...or want something dark, disturbing, morally thought provoking....

Now please stand by as I return you to your regularly scheduled life, already in progress.

I need engrish lessons.

Putting the you in impri-you-vement is unpossible amirite? (sorry, that's 2 Simpsons quotes in one line...making no sense whatsoever)

In my last post, I felt both limited in vocabulary as well as...unable to express my thoughts and emotions well enough in written form. While I said writing is not a goal of mine...I am currently unsatisfied with my skill level in this matter. I just need to improve a bit. So far, http://www.synonym.com/synonyms/ is my most used site while I write.

I need to read a dictionary and a thesaurus. And a book on Grade 8 English for Dummies.
All 3 sound very boring.

I'll just continue reading Monster...I don't know what the point of this post was.

So tired.

Valentine's day is coming...

One of my most despised days of the year. A day I choose not to leave my home despite pleas from my girlfriend to "go out and do something". Clearly she sees the day in a very different way than I.

I hate Valentine's day.

There's this scene in The Simpsons which makes me think of Valentine's day every time I watch it. The one where Mr. Burns falls in love with Marge (Season 4, Episode 5 - Marge Gets a Job). In an infatuated high over Marge, Mr. Burns cries out over the PA System: "Everyone who has found true love may leave early today!". The power plant employees all flee with delight as the scene pans to one guy with a sad, empty look on his face and a tear rolling down his cheek as he wipes it away.

For me, this is what Valentine's day is about. A day that kicks people who are down.

Obviously, this day is meant to be viewed more as a celebration of love. But I don't see it that way. Love is not a race, it comes when it comes. There is no reward for being in love when others aren't. Love does not need a day for it to be celebrated.

I would consider myself a hopeless romantic. I like sappy chick flicks. I like the Notebook, Serendipity, Moulin Rouge, and A Walk to Remember. I get touched and my heart melts when I feel love, a love that manages to triumph over any obstacle.

But I don't feel that love on Valentine's day. Not in the slightest.


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By the way, has anyone seen my manhood? I seem to have misplaced it while writing this post...

An "abnormal" amount of blogging.

I can explain. 4 months prior to this, I had been living with my girlfriend. Not only living with her, working with her as well. We would walk to work together, we'd leave work together, we'd eat lunch together. Literally 23/7 time together on average. I'm serious, 23/7. That's a lot. Because of this, I always had someone to bounce random thoughts and ideas off of. A second presence or mind beside me. Suddenly, she left (for school! not cuz I'm fail boyfriend!).

The sudden independence and silence resulted in a lot of thinking and depression. My head was bursting with thoughts and ideas with no outlet. Thankfully, I started this blog. The release of my thoughts really help the sudden loneliness I have been experiencing. The (one way) communication is still significantly better than none. I have absolutely no doubt that when my girlfriend returns from school, my blogging will dramatically decrease. Also, the key with irrelevant content is that I could probably go on forever. And you, the reader, don't have to read anything...I'm doing this for me. BTW - I love my readers and their comments <3

So yes, admittedly an abnormal amount of blogging. I'm sure I'll revert to a normal amount soon enough...

My dad vacuumed up one of my hamsters!

Note: it wasn't through the...spinning bottom part of the vacuum, it was with the tube part...and the hamster, though badly injured, survived and lived a somewhat full life.

This actually happened a while ago, before my current hamsters. Still, I couldn't believe my father had done that. Obviously it was an accident, my father loves my hamsters as much as me. He had so much guilt when he told me, I was shocked, angry, and disappointed, but I didn't let it show. He felt bad enough already.

But...you know that voice in your head that says "nothing good can come of this"...where was that voice?! was the voice saying "what does hamsters + vacuum = ?"

I guess sh!t happens beyond my understanding...

It makes me question how I was raised though...I turned out okay minus the social anxiety problems, the mild OCD, the mild ADD, the paranoia, and the self-consciousness....right? hmmm....wait a sec...

Okay, I lied. I don't hate reading.

This has nothing to do with the post below. Despite my frequent claims that I hate to read, I've realized that this is not true. And by "read", I mean read novels or stories. Not daily reading (like a street sign or advertisement). Not reading comic books/manga. I'm talking lots of words and no pictures :)

While reading this Naruto Fanfiction, I've come to the conclusion that I don't hate reading if what I'm reading is enjoyable enough. I enjoy reading if the content/information is interesting to me. However, my area of interest is small and my patience low. Therefore, the pool of things I would like to read is relatively small in comparison.

I don't hate to read. I'm just very very picky.

I am too lazy to cook. I am too impatient to read.

My views on reading and cooking, in graph form.

Assumptions:
1. I am equally pleased with the book/movie I have read/watched
2. I am equally content with the food I have made/ordered.
3. Money is not an issue.

Green is good, Red is bad.

Analysis, Data and Results
Figure A:


Figure B:


Conclusion:
You will notice that B, the quicker/easiest solutions are the winners.

A World without the World of Warcraft

I've been clean for about a month now.

And life is good. Actually, it's awesome.

That is all.

I will train my kids to play videogames.

I brought this up before but I wanted to clarify that I'm completely serious. I hated Chinese school and piano lessons as a child partly because I was forced into it and partly because it was boring. I eventually traded piano for math school (Kumon), something I had to convince my parents to do. I guess they figured either would be good but I believe that because I CHOSE math school, I enjoyed it much more.

For my kids, I'd probably give them the option of playing video game x, y or z. Let them decide what they want to do, so they don't hate it for being forced.

I figure that on night A, they should get the option to play Tetris, Kirby's Avalanche, Tetris Attack, or Super Puzzle Fighter. All 4 are basically the same premise: get specific arrangements with color/shaped blocks to survive.
I think these types of games help with quick thinking, quick decision making, short term planning, short term memory, and finally reaction time - all of which are good skills to develop.

Night B would be some other games. Super Mario Kart to teach them how to drive. Super Street Fighter to teach them how to fight. Contra III: Alien Wars to teach them how to survive alien wars. Okay, THIS whole paragraph was a joke...(but the rest of the post thus far had been serious).

I would play my kids and destroy them until they eventually surpassed me. Much like Samurai Nanjirou trained Echizen Ryoma (Prince of Tennis) or Fujiwara Bunta trained Takumi (Initial D) or Sai trained Hikaru (Hikaru no Go).

I think we're all thinking 1 of 2 things here:
1. Warren, this is the most ridiculous post ever. I can't believe you're serious. I have lost all respect for you.
or
2. Warren, your kids are going to hate you.

I'm prepared for both.

See below for my game analysis:

I talk to myself. Even through time.

[12.20.02]
wahoo !!!!! i finally got my wacom 4x6 drawing tablet....4x6 !! so small...but if 4x6 is 400$ and 6x8 is 700$, i think i'll save the 300$ for the extra 2 inches....maybe when i have more money, i'll get a bigger one.... damn...400$....it was this or ps2....and i chose this....better be worth it !! - from azn_prometheus

*In angry but warren comical tone*
You stupid child! Not only is your writing awful to look at but you've made a worthless purchase! In less than 3 years, you'll start playing World of Warcraft and you will realize that the pen does not work with the game. The tablet will become a $400 mousepad until you realize that you should just pack it away. Once packed away, it will never again see the light of day. And the PS2 you didN'T purchase will leave you so behind in games (FF9, FFX, FFX-2, MGS3, KH1, KH2, ...) that you'll never be able to catch up! And you'll be playing Megaman 9 and Megaman 10 because it's short and you can pick it up and drop it anytime and not have to play until you find a save point cuz oh wait, you have work and you wanna build websites and read books - not even novels, textbooks. Oh god you are lame.

I just watched "Burn after Reading" and not only did it make me wanna rage during the movie, but I've got a lingering hate from all the unnecessary profanity that my poor ears had to be subjected to. And my optimism that the movie might get better faded when the credits ran and I felt sheer disappointment. And a movie where everyone was cheating on everyone else made me question the sanctity of marriage.

*In normal tone*
On another note, this rage made this last post easy to write.

*Back to angrycomical tone*
...but STILL I'M ANGRY. Time to read more fanfiction...soothe my nerves and mend my heart. Who's got the love that makes me BELIEVE IN IT AGAIN? <3 Shikamaru and Yuri <3. That's who. Chapter 8.

I have been getting lazy with my posts.

I have not been capitalizing, re-reading, editing, etc. This is not something I want to pursue going forward. It not only makes it more difficult for you, the reader, to read but it also makes my content less relevant. If I don't care, why should you? I've corrected most of my previous posts. Bad habits should not be encouraged any further.

*slaps own hand with own hand*

SELF FIVE. Yeah, you know it.

I don't believe.

I don't believe in heaven.
I don't believe in hell.
I don't believe in afterlife.
I don't believe in soul mates.
I don't believe in God.
I don't believe in destiny.
I don't believe in fate.
I don't believe in time travel.
I don't believe in superpowers.
I don't believe in angels.
I don't believe in demons.
I don't believe in ghosts.
I don't believe in unicorns.
I don't believe in zombies.
I don't believe in magic.
i don't believe in prayer.
I don't believe in reincarnation.

One item of possible controversy, my doubt of God. I believe there is no grand scheme of my life. Of anyone's life. The decisions I make today are reflected in the journey I have tomorrow. I have faith in myself. I am tested by no one. I serve no one. I am me.

boku ni tsubasa

Van - Escaflowne
Hikaru - Angelic Layer
Daisuke Niwa - DNAngel
Wing Zero - Gundam Wing
Rinoa Heartily - Final Fantasy VIII
Angemon, Angewoman, Magna Angemon - Digimon
Rei Ayanami - Neon Genesis Evangelion

All of these characters have one thing in common. Something I have a particular fascination with. The reason why Angemon, Angewoman, Magna Angemon are my favorite Digimon. The reason I have a Wing Zero wallpaper at work and Rinoa Heartily wallpaper at work and at home. The reason I have Wing Zero toys scattered around work and home. The reason why Rei Ayanami is my twitter background.

Angelic Wings.

boku ni tsubasa
"give me wings"

Writing discoveries! Mood and passion affect writing...

This is probably obvious to someone that writes a lot but as this (writing) is brand new territory, it's a new discovery to me.

I wrote a bunch of different blog posts today, none of which were particularly written well and none of which I was satisfied in posting.

My mind is dull. Clear. Empty. Unfocused.

I posted a bit of a downer post yesterday, at least it was a downer for me, but I removed it. I will try not to post about things that are written with negativity. Negativity and hate spread easily and I will not be someone that brings someone else down.

I've also discovered that I've got at least 4 (somewhat) distinct ways of writing.

One is proper. The case is correct, the sentences are well thought out and formatted. "You" is spelt "You". I look for synonyms and re-read sentences repeatedly to ensure a concise point.

One is lazy. i don't cap my i's. "You" is spelt "u".

One is my thoughts, in almost pure form. I convey a pause in my thoughts with a "..." and I don't go back and erase them. This is written on the fly. I notice that my blog lacks this type of writing but it's very apparent in my IMs (instant messages) and twitter.

And the last one is the old me with a writing style of "well, i go back to skool in....2 days !! 2 !!!!!! ahhhhhh !!!!!" - taken directly from me on Jan 4, 2003. It's funny how some of the style from 7 years ago is the same, but just...unrefined. I sure did love my exclamation marks back then. I must be getting old, no longer having the same enthusiasm as I did when I was younger.

Okay. I'm satisfied with this post. I sleep satisfied with today's accomplishments and I will wake up and face tomorrow's challenges.